An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, ‘YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?’

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, ‘NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.’

DON’T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS

Submitted by Lyn

CNN reports that gas stations will start showing PORN movies on the

screens of the pumps so that you can see someone else get screwed at

the same time you do !!

Submitted by Grant

Submitted by Grant

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.  This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.   (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.   DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying  the really bad word

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

 Submitted by Mason - UK

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads.

No one I know has got it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did Not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?

[Give this some thought before you answer]

Answer:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.

If you didn’t answer the question correctly, good for you.

If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off my email list.

Submitted by An American Psychopathologist

Submitted by Matthew

Most of America’s populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of ‘those moments.’

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it’s the vibration from the car, others say it’s the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.

I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Submitted by Dawn, NB - Canada

3 MEN GO INTO A MOTEL. THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK SAID THE ROOM IS $30 SO

EACH MAN PAID $10 AND WENT TO THE ROOM.

A WHILE LATER THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK REALIZED THE ROOM WAS ONLY $25

SO HE SENT THE BELLBOY TO THE 3 GUYS’ ROOM WITH $5.

ON THE WAY THE BELLBOY COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPLIT $5 EVENLY

BETWEEN 3 MEN, SO HE GAVE EACH MAN A $1 AND KEPT THE OTHER $2 FOR

HIMSELF.

THIS MEANT THAT THE 3 MEN EACH PAID $9 FOR THE ROOM, WHICH IS A TOTAL

OF

$27, ADD THE $2 THAT THE BELLBOY KEPT = $29.

WHERE IS THE OTHER DOLLAR?

CRAZY!

Submitted by Paul Glover

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on an airplane. When the plane took off and settled into its climb, the stranger turned to the little girl and said: ‘I’ve always found that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘OK. What would you like to talk about?’ Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass — the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’

The stranger thought for a few moments, then said:
‘You know, I’ve never thought about that. I have no idea.’

The little girl began to open her book again, saying:
‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?’

Submitted by Dawn - NB, Canada