Submitted by Grant

Submitted by David White

Luigi (father): ‘I want you to marry a girl of my choice.’

Son: ‘I will choose my own bride!!!’

Luigi: ‘But the girl is Bill Gates’ daughter..’

Son: ‘Well, in that case . . . ok’

—————–

Next Luigi approaches Bill Gates.

Luigi: ‘I have a husband for your daughter…’

Bill Gates: ‘But my daughter is too young to marry!!’

Luigi: ‘But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank’

Bill Gates: ‘Ah, in that case . . . ok’

————————–

Finally Luigi goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Luigi: ‘I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.’

President: ‘But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!’

Luigi : ‘But this young man is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.’

President: ‘Ah, in that case . . . ok’

————————

And that, my friends, is how Italians do business.

submitted by Grant

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, “Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.”

Mujibar said, “I am ready”

The manager said, “Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.”

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, “Mister manager, I am ready”

The manager said, “Go ahead.”

Mujibar said, ‘The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, “Yellow, this is Mujibar.”

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.

No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have!

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red
sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a
blonde.
 
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through
her
purse and was getting progressively more agitated. ‘What does it look
like?’, the blonde driver finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s
square and it has your picture on it.’
 
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman.  ’Here it is,’ she said.
 
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
 
‘Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.’

Submitted by Paul Glover

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of  Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
 The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of
government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and
of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

If you don’t send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Submitted by Barry

I’m one of the 55.  Are You?

Don’t even think about using spell check!!!!!!!!
 
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs?
Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr t he ltteres in a
wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I
awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

         ONLY FORWARD IF YOU CAN READ THIS

Submitted by Craig

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, ‘YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?’

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, ‘NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.’

DON’T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS

Submitted by Lyn